Disclaimer: The following is intended for humour. If you’re stupid enough to actually play it, you probably deserve the damage to your liver and brain that will inevitably result.
The rules of The Wheel of Time Drinking Game are the same as for any other – read the books, and, whenever an event described below occurs, drink the amount of your favourite alcoholic beverage indicated. For purposes of this game, a drink is defined as:
- One gulp of beer
- One half mouthful of wine
- One sip of spirits
- One mouthful of vodka or an alcopop
- One quarter sip of green dragon, absinthe, or anything involving magic mushrooms.
Feel free to suggest more forfeits, as the aim of the game is to get as drunk as possible.
Events requiring one drink
- The Wheel of Time is mentioned or alluded to (apart from the first paragraph of chapter 1).
- Rand wishes he could deal with women as well as Mat, or even Perrin.
- Mat wishes he could deal with women as well as Rand, or even Perrin.
- Perrin wishes he could deal with women as well as Mat, or even Rand.
- Nynaeve tugs her braid.
- Thom blows out his mustaches.
- Siuan Sanche mentions silverpike.
- A female character sniffs.
- A female character folds her arms beneath her breasts.
- A female character smooths her skirts.
- A man is caught in his smallclothes.
- A woman threatens to box a man’s ears.
- Min has a vision, but doesn’t understand it. (Note: If Min has several visions all at once relating to a group of people gathered together, that only counts as one.)
- Perrin or Egwene has a prophetic dream.
- Mat wins money by gambling.
- Birgitte gives Nynaeve sex tips.
- An Aiel complains about how weak wetlanders are.
- Rand determines that he must become "harder." The use of the word hard is essential. Bonus drink if Rand compares himself to some form of metal or rock when describing his hardness.
- Someone other than Rand comments on how much harder he has become. Explicit use of "hard" is not necessary.
- Somebody quotes a prophecy.
- A prophecy (including a prophetic dream) is fulfilled.
- Loial complains about humans being all hasty.
- Mat gets pissed off by Egwene, Nynaeve, or Elayne.
- Cadsuane says 'Phaw!'
- Mat has a flashback.
- Birgitte refers to something that happened during the Trolloc Wars or the time of Artur Hawkwing.
- Mat speaks the Old Tongue
- An Aes Sedai of the Red Ajah turns out to be a darkfriend. (Does not count if she was revealed to be Black Ajah as soon as she was introduced.)
- You find yourself thinking the series is starting to get like a soap opera.
Events requiring two drinks
- People have a discussion about the nature of the Wheel of Time.
- You spot something Jordan stole from Dune by Frank Herbert (have an extra drink if you have not read Dune)
- You spot a reference to the works of JRR Tolkien (have 5 extra drinks if you have not read anything by JRR Tolkien)
- You spot a reference to HP Lovecraft (have a bonus drink if you have not read anything by HP Lovecraft)
- You spot a Biblical reference (have a bonus drink if you have not read the Bible; two bonus drinks if you have not read the Bible and the reference is obscure, this last defined by your fellow players. If you are playing this game alone, get a life, you loser)
- You spot a reference to Norse or Celtic mythology (have a bonus drink if you have not read any of the mythology in question.)
- You spot a reference to our world.
Note: The above points do not apply if you already knew about the reference before reading the book.
- You spot a contradiction (only valid if you did not know the contradiction was there.)
- You spot a mistake, ie Jordan gets real-world science wrong (only valid if a: you did not know the mistake was there before reading the book, and b: nobody was using the Power to change things)
- The ta'veren effect of Rand, Mat, or Perrin causes strange coincidences.
- Someone other than Thom blows out their mustaches.
- Lews Therin screams about killing people
- Lews Therin cries over Ilyena.
- Shaidar Haran appears.
- A wetlander steps on an Aiel’s ji’e’toh.
- An Aes Sedai of an Ajah other than Red or Green turns out to be a darkfriend. (Does not count of she was revealed to be Black Ajah as soon as she was introduced.)
- Any time an Aes Sedai (aside from Moiraine) says "The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills."
- Any time a reference can be made to Star Wars or Start Trek (only movies)
Events requiring three drinks
- A chapter heading mentions the Wheel of Time, threads of life, or the Pattern.
- Somebody kills a Forsaken (that includes when Moiraine and Lanfear fall into Sindhol).
- A Forsaken is resurrected.
- Lews Therin reveals interesting or useful skills or information.
- Somebody other than Rand, Lews Therin, or a Forsaken shows suspiciously advanced knowledge of anatomy, physiology, thermodynamics, electromagnetism, quantum physics, or mechanical engineering.
- Something which the Brown Ajah considers obscure turns out to be common knowledge among the Aiel or Atha'an Miere. (This does not include specific aspects of those races' cultures, or things they actively conceal from Aes Sedai.)
- Rand conquers a nation.
- Mat gets pissed off by a woman other than Egwene, Nynaeve, or Elayne.
- A main character gets married (for Seanchan, if the two halves of the ceremony occur at different times, drink for both.)
- An Aes Sedai of the Green Ajah turns out to be a darkfriend. (Does not count of she was revealed to be Black Ajah as soon as she was introduced.)
- A very likely theory turns out to be false (e.g. Aram being a darkfriend, Logain pulling Callandor from the Stone of Tear, Taim being Demandred in disguise.)
- Rand tries to understand Aiel humor.
- An Aiel tries to understand wetlander humor.
- A country has an explicitly sexist set of laws (e.g. Andor's law against men sitting on the Lion Throne).
Events requiring four drinks
- The Wheel of Time or the Pattern are directly affected by a character’s actions (e.g. balefire). (Have an ambulance on standby if reading A Memory of Light!)
- Jordan spends an entire page describing clothing. If he spends longer than that, have one more drink for every extra page or part of page the description takes up.
- Jordan cuts away from a huge battle to focus on the thoughts and feelings of someone far away; when he returns, the battle is over and everybody involved talks about how spectacular it was.
- Jordan skips several hours to avoid having sex in the book.
- A loony theory comes true (looniness being defined by a vote of all players taking into account only information revealed thus far. In the event of a tie, looniness is defined by the soberest person playing.)
- Something ridiculously unlikely happens that is not simply ta’veren probability twisting (e.g. Min, Elayne, and Aviendha all deciding to share Rand).
If any of the following happen, drown yourself in your drink
- Somebody suggests a forfeit involving Bela other than this one.
- The Last Battle is declared a draw.
- The Last Battle is averted through peaceful diplomacy, discussion, and mutual understanding.
- The whole series turns out to have been an elaborate reality TV show.
- Rand jerks awake, examines both his hands, and suddenly realizes it was all a dream and it's almost time for chores.
http://linuxmafia.com/~garrett/jordan/drinking-game.txt - Another drinking game, written by Hohn Cho.